I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
