last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
