last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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