I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
