I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
