so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
