You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
