he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
