Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
