just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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