if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
