It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
