And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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