Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
