Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
