Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
