So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
