I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
