im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
