it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
