Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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