you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
