I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
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