He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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