My sheets look like a crime scene.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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