I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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