Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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