Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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