It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
