I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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