I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
