Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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