Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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