we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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