Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
