i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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