I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
