Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
