its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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