Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
