Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
