btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
