For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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