.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
