Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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