His hands were made for my vagina.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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