I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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