Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
