I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
