He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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