I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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