I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
