can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
