how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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