Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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