It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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