Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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